Living in a world of hope.

jll cover fix

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive
- Walter Scott

Her friends and family tell her – her son’s an addict. But she doesn’t believe them.

Her world is spinning out of control. Her mind races. Her days are consumed by pain and worry.

People think they know her… but they don`t, not really.

She wears a mask, of sorts…..

Only the mask is heavy, and exhausting.

And it`s starting to slip.

The cracks are beginning to show.

Just as she gets one patched up, another breaks wide-open.

Pretension – it’s such a deadly game to play.

Just how far will one mother go to save her son?

Jagged Little Lies….. available now.

Lorelie Rozzano debuts her first book.So exciting! It is available now. Here is the press release about the book:

Author, Lorelie Rozzano, has taken her own life experience shackled by the chains of addiction and is turning it into a series of fictional novels that weave first-hand experience into compelling stories. The first in that series – Jagged Little Edges – will be available now at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com and http://www.omnilit.com for $5.99 US, with a hardcover copy available now.

Rozzano has created a darkly fascinating protagonist in Jagged Little Edges. Lyndsey is a teen living in a world of hurt and abuse, in a family where she is often neglected and beaten, where dysfunction and addiction are ways of life for those around her. Unsurprisingly she seeks some way of easing the pain of her world: “That was how it had felt for her as long as she could remember. Like cuts, coming first in words, as they tore little pieces of her innocence, trust and self worth. Evolving into the physical form, with a smack to the head, a cuff to the ear and at times, welts and bruising on her back side. But by far, the greatest damage of all was what you couldn’t see. A soul, torn asunder, left with an open wound, a vast emptiness and a hunger that screamed to be fed.”

Looking for comfort and love, Lyndsey turns to alcohol and drugs, usually stolen from her parents’ stash, and finds something like a relationship in the arms of a man who seeks only sexual release, someone to beat when he’s angry and someone to help him deal drugs. This bleak companionship is as close to an escape as Lyndsey can find in her brutal world, and for a long time she convinces herself it will get better, that caring and trust might one day be part of her life.

 This tough teen, who yearns for her happily ever after, even though she no longer believes in fairy tales, is determined to create a life for herself. She struggles against poverty, abuse and addiction. She takes you on a ten year journey as she looks for love in all the wrong places. Eventually hopeless, Lyndsey tumbles ever deeper into a life where drugs and alcohol rule her every waking moment, ruining even a relationship with a man who pulls himself out of addiction and tries to help her.

At the point of her darkest hour, help comes, in the form of nothing she would ever have wished for and everything she needed to be well. And even then, she fights it, struggling against her voracious demon addictions whose tenacious hold tests Lyndsey to her ultimate limits.

For Rozzano, a phone call to her parents when she had reached her lowest point, out of work, money and friends due to her addictions, turned things around and brought her to treatment. She has now been living clean and sober for more than 15 years.

And it is this success and desire to share her knowledge and the possibility of help to others that led to the creation of Jagged Little Edges, for she has now found what she needed to soften those edges that were destroying her life.

“The relief I had in becoming well was actually what I had been looking for in drugs and alcohol,” Rozzano explains. It was in treatment at Nanaimo’s Edgewood Treatment Centre that she discovered her strong inner core and learned how to examine her life and behaviours in a brutally honest fashion and to admit just how her addictions had ruled her life for so long.

Rozzano now works at Edgewood and is dedicated to helping others with the lifelong struggle against addiction, Rozzano hopes her books might become a vehicle to get people thinking and talking about addiction and examining the role it plays in their lives.

“My greatest love was addiction,” she recalls. “It was no longer people or life.”

But once she was ready to face the terror that treatment seemed to hold, her life turned around as does that of her heroine Lyndsey. She found her happily ever after. It had been there all along. She’d just never been taught where to look.

And perhaps for someone reading the bleak, painful truths in Jagged Little Edges, there will come a moment of clarity and self-awareness that can help that person also get ready to change. “After all, Rozzano states, if I can get sober, anyone can.”

girl addict

Addictions says.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/VG_7yd4NLTo

mom car

Enabling might not come in tablet form, but don’t kid yourself. It’s a powerful drug, and one that provides INSTANT relief. Enabling gets rid of guilt …temporarily. The problem is guilt, anxiety, or fear, doesn’t stay gone. It comes back, bigger and meaner than it was before. The FIX? More enabling, and so the cycle begins. Enabling is a self-serving act. It has nothing to do with caring for the addict. The enabler suffers with delusion and believes they are helping the addict. But what they’re really doing is mood-altering, or avoiding their own emotional discomfort by saying NO, when NO, is the right thing to say.
Addiction and enabling are a progressive illness. One that is terminal in nature.
Family members who enable do it because it feels good. Just as the addict or alcoholic takes a drink for relief. The enabler co-aides their addict and a sick needy, compulsive relationship begins. This relationship changes over time. The addict is CONSUMED by their substance. The enabler is CONSUMED by their addict. The enabler needs to feel in control. The addict needs to feel high. Both parties experience the effects of their illness. Loss of hope. Isolation. Financially unstable. Weight gain or loss. Loss of relationships. Marriage breakdown. Divorce. Fractured family system. Loss of job. Ulcers. Migraines. Depression. High blood pressure. Heart attack. Stroke. Insomnia. Nervous breakdown. Contemplating suicide. Contemplating homicide.
The addict cannot stay sick without the enabler. The enabler cannot stay sick without the addict. They need each other to continue living in this insanity.
Both live by the mantra, ‘Just one more time.’ Both addicts and enablers make decisions based on ‘impaired’ or wishful thinking.
The enabler thinks they can FIX the addict. The addict just wants their next FIX.
Neither enabler nor addict is powerful enough to FIX another person. But they can change themselves. Addiction requires an enabling system. It can’t stay sick without one. Whether you’re an enabler or an addict, you need help. Without help you simply continue in the same patterns that got you into this mess. Enablers often state they would die for their addict, but I wonder will they live for them? Don’t wait for someone else to change. Be the change. The only thing worse than one person suffering from addiction, is two.

addict boy
From the moment I was born, addiction has been a constant in my life. My father is an alcoholic, (sober now) and my mother was, well, distracted. Her job was looking after my father. Growing up we learned quickly that feelings were dangerous, and we developed the ability to shut down our emotions. Of course because we were unable to communicate them, we acted them out. It was chaos. We all walked on egg shells and learned the three golden rules. Don’t talk. Don’t trust. Don’t Feel. My sister and I turned to drugs and alcohol. I worked in bars for many years while raising my own family, and passing on all the shit, I swore I never would. My children struggled with addiction. I sought unhealthy men. It wasn’t intentional, it was what I knew. My life was a mess, and if you were in relationship with me, so was yours. 17 years ago the world I knew came to a crashing halt. Everyone in my life had stopped enabling me. EVERYONE! I couldn’t bum, beg, or manipulate my family anymore. It was the worst day of my life. At least that’s what I believed back then. How I HATED my family! With no place left to go, I went to rehab with my tail tucked between my legs and a single purpose. To get the hell out of there as fast as I could! I tried my best to manipulate the counselors and the people in the facility. I really did. But you know the old saying. You can’t con a con. Pain turned back on. So did sorrow and grief. I cried buckets of tears and went through boxes of Kleenex and then something strange began to happen. The paraylyzing grip that had held me so tight throughout my entire life began to loosen. I could breathe easier and my skin began to fit. Then for no good reason at all, I laughed. One of those laugh till you cry and your stomache hurts, kind. The chains of misery fell away and something far more addicting began to take its place. HOPE. Hope… OMG! Suddenly the possibilities were endless and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I was living life Clean and Sober and loving it! I’ve been clean ever since. 17 years and counting. Today I am blessed to have a family I love beyond words. I work in the field of addiction helping addicts and their families to recover from the insidious effects of addiction. I share my experience through my books and blog. We focus so keenly on the addict, but addiction effects EVERYONE. Addiction is a family disease. Don’t wait for someone else to change. Be the change!

Below are four different, but similar perspectives on addiction. The addict’s veiwpoint, The mother of the addict’s viewpoint, The wife of the addict’s viewpoint and The daughter of the addict’s viewpoint.

I NEED to get high – an addict’s perspective. http://jaggedlittleedges.com/2014/06/21/i-need-to-get-high/

I NEED you to get clean – a wife’s perspective. http://jaggedlittleedges.com/2014/07/13/i-need-you-clean-a-wifes-pe…

I NEED a clean Dad – a daughter’s perspective. http://jaggedlittleedges.com/2014/07/05/i-need-you/

I NEED to enable – a mother’s perspective. http://jaggedlittleedges.com/2014/07/18/i-need-to-enable-a-mothers-…

crying mom
I am not your freind. I’m your mother, and I’ve changed. I don’t belong to me anymore. I don’t care about me. Not in the way I used too. I care about you. I WANT you. I will do ANYTHING for you. I LOVE you. I NEED you…
And I will step over anyone who gets in my way.
When I look at you, I don’t see YOU. I see my little boy.
You have no money. I do. End of story. I don’t care if I can’t pay the rent. I don’t care if I need groceries. I don’t care if I promised I wouldn’t give you money again. I don’t care if I lie to Dad. I don’t care if I’m broke. I’ll sell my rings, take a loan, sell my electronics, max out my credit cards, or borrow the money from someone else, because if I don’t, you’ll STEAL it.
I WILL find a way to get you what you need.
I think I can CHANGE you, or SAVE you. Am I WRONG?
Something cold and dead slithers within me. I no longer respond to the rest of my family. I CRY all the time. You don’t care. You have no integrity or values. My morals are a thing of the past.
I will say anything, do anything, and hurt anyone, to help you feel better.
Although I may play the game with you, make no mistake. I don’t play it because I want to. I play it because I NEED to PLEASE you. I’ll say whatever you want to hear, I will promise you the world, I will look you in the eyes, and you WILL break my heart, over and over again. You don’t have a heart any more. You have a HUNGER. It’s calculating and manipulative, and it OWNS me.
In a strange way I’m thankful for this hunger. For when you need something, you find me, quick! Then when you’ve gotten what you want from me, you leave.
I’m anxious without you. I offer to buy your food, or pay your rent. I always GIVE you something.
By now, my NEED is almost as great as yours.
You can’t stay SICK without me. I can’t breathe without YOU.
I think I’m helping you. I believe I’m making a difference, but what I’m really helping…
is your ADDICTION.
You won’t tell me this, but I know it, deep down.
If we keep going like this, one or both of us will die. You from an overdose that I paid for, and me from a heart attack, or stroke.
I’ll wait YEARS for you to change, or see the light, and you’ll take full advantage of this.
I will keep your secrets and protect your lies. I will clean up your messes and bail you out. I’ll love you to the exclusion of EVERYONE else.
I will become bitter and resentful. I will hide from my friends and isolate. I will HATE.
My world revolves around one thing only… YOU!
But will my LOVE ever become greater than my FEAR? Will I be strong enough to reach out for help? Will I learn to say NO? Will I allow you to experience the consequences of your actions? Will I LOVE you enough to feel my GUILT and stop enabling your ADDICTION?
I lay trapped within the confines of this cold dark, codependent – addiction, and I am,
waiting…

Lorelie Rozzano
http://www.jaggedlittleedges.com

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorelie-Rozzano/506483446066023

couple fighting
I am not your child, or parent, or friend. I’m your wife and I’ve changed. I don’t belong to me any more. I don’t care about me. Not in the way I used too. I care about you, and getting you clean. I WANT you clean. I will do ANYTHING to get you clean. I LOVE you. I NEED you.. and I will step over anyone to help YOU. When I look at you, I don’t see the man I married. I see a man who consumes me. You used to have money. Now it’s me who supports us. End of story. I’m furious when you can’t pay the rent. You don’t care if we need groceries. You don’t care if I promised I wouldn’t give you money again. You don’t care if I’m broke. You sell my rings, leave me to pay the loans, sell my electronics, max out my credit cards. You ask me to borrow money from our family members. If I don’t get you the money, you will STEAL it. You WILL find a way to get HIGH. I think I can CHANGE you, or SAVE you. But I’m WRONG! Something cold and dead slithers within you. You no longer respond to love or truth. I can CRY all I want. You don’t care. You have no integrity or values. Your morals are a thing of the past. You will say anything, do anything, and hurt anyone, to get your next FIX.
Although I may play the game with you, make no mistake. I don’t play it because I LOVE you, I play it because I want to keep the peace. I’ll say what ever you want to hear, to keep you home with me. You promise me the world, look me in the eyes, and break my heart. Over and over again. I don’t have a heart any more. It’s been broken too many times. It’s a shrivelled little parody of what it once was, and now, you OWN it.
In a strange way we need each other. For when I’m frustrated I take it out on you. Then when I’ve had my say, I feel guilty.
I’m anxious without you. I phone you and check up on you. You make PROMISES you NEVER keep.
By now, my NEED is almost as great as yours.
You can’t stay SICK without me. I can’t breath without you.
I think I’m helping you. I believe I’m making a difference, but what I’m really helping – is your ADDICTION.
You won’t tell me this, but I know it, deep down.
If we keep going like this, one or both of us will die. You from an overdose, that I paid for, and me from a heart attack, or stroke.
I’ve wasted YEARS waiting for you to change, or see the light, and you take full advantage of it.
I keep your secrets and protect your lies. I clean up your messes and bail you out.
I love you to the exclusion of EVERYONE else.
I’ve become bitter and resentful. I hide from my friends and isolate. I HATE you sometimes.
My world revolves around one thing only… YOU.
Will my LOVE ever become greater than my FEAR? Would I be strong enough to reach out for help? Will I learn to say NO? Will I allow you to experience the consequences of your actions? Will I ever leave you? Will I LOVE me enough to feel my OWN discomfort and stop enabling your ADDICTION?
I promised ’till death do us part,’ but I didn’t mean this!
I lay trapped within the confines of this cold sick, loveless marriage, and I am, dying…

Lorelie Rozzano

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorelie-Rozzano/506483446066023

Metamorphosis

believe
Her cocoon was dark and cramped. The caterpillar had outgrown it. Fearfully, she made the decision to leave its small, dark confinement. Her passage out was rough and many times she fought the urge to return to her miserable abode. Determined to make it through, she prayed for the strength. Inch by inch, she drew closer to her goal, as she crawled, guided by a light she could see far off in the distance. Exhausted and nearing the end of her endurance, she gave one final, massive push, shedding the last of her bloody cocoon. The little caterpillar grinned. Miraculously, she’d made it out alive. A droplet of water shimmered next to her. She lowered her head to sip from the liquid, but halted upon seeing her reflection. She gasped in wonder at the beautiful creature staring back at her. Her mind reeled with confusion. How was this possible?
The wind rustled the leaf she clung to and whispered, ‘fly, for you are free.’
Her wings unfurled as she leapt from the branch, doing the very thing, she’d been born to do.
Lorelie Rozzano

lorelie

To listen click here – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gooddeedslive/2014/07/07/real-talk–addiction-relief-in-becoming-well-verses-relief-in-the-addiction

It appears the link isn’t working. You can find our discussion on my face book page.
Click here – https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorelie-Rozzano/506483446066023?hc_location=timeline

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,182 other followers