Living in a world of hope.

jll cover fix

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive
– Walter Scott

Her friends and family tell her – her son’s an addict. But she doesn’t believe them.

Her world is spinning out of control. Her mind races. Her days are consumed by pain and worry.

People think they know her… but they don`t, not really.

She wears a mask, of sorts…..

Only the mask is heavy, and exhausting.

And it`s starting to slip.

The cracks are beginning to show.

Just as she gets one patched up, another breaks wide-open.

Pretension – it’s such a deadly game to play.

Just how far will one mother go to save her son?

Jagged Little Lies….. available now.

Lorelie Rozzano debuts her first book.So exciting! It is available now. Here is the press release about the book:

Author, Lorelie Rozzano, has taken her own life experience shackled by the chains of addiction and is turning it into a series of fictional novels that weave first-hand experience into compelling stories. The first in that series – Jagged Little Edges – will be available now at, and for $5.99 US, with a hardcover copy available now.

Rozzano has created a darkly fascinating protagonist in Jagged Little Edges. Lyndsey is a teen living in a world of hurt and abuse, in a family where she is often neglected and beaten, where dysfunction and addiction are ways of life for those around her. Unsurprisingly she seeks some way of easing the pain of her world: “That was how it had felt for her as long as she could remember. Like cuts, coming first in words, as they tore little pieces of her innocence, trust and self worth. Evolving into the physical form, with a smack to the head, a cuff to the ear and at times, welts and bruising on her back side. But by far, the greatest damage of all was what you couldn’t see. A soul, torn asunder, left with an open wound, a vast emptiness and a hunger that screamed to be fed.”

Looking for comfort and love, Lyndsey turns to alcohol and drugs, usually stolen from her parents’ stash, and finds something like a relationship in the arms of a man who seeks only sexual release, someone to beat when he’s angry and someone to help him deal drugs. This bleak companionship is as close to an escape as Lyndsey can find in her brutal world, and for a long time she convinces herself it will get better, that caring and trust might one day be part of her life.

 This tough teen, who yearns for her happily ever after, even though she no longer believes in fairy tales, is determined to create a life for herself. She struggles against poverty, abuse and addiction. She takes you on a ten year journey as she looks for love in all the wrong places. Eventually hopeless, Lyndsey tumbles ever deeper into a life where drugs and alcohol rule her every waking moment, ruining even a relationship with a man who pulls himself out of addiction and tries to help her.

At the point of her darkest hour, help comes, in the form of nothing she would ever have wished for and everything she needed to be well. And even then, she fights it, struggling against her voracious demon addictions whose tenacious hold tests Lyndsey to her ultimate limits.

For Rozzano, a phone call to her parents when she had reached her lowest point, out of work, money and friends due to her addictions, turned things around and brought her to treatment. She has now been living clean and sober for more than 15 years.

And it is this success and desire to share her knowledge and the possibility of help to others that led to the creation of Jagged Little Edges, for she has now found what she needed to soften those edges that were destroying her life.

“The relief I had in becoming well was actually what I had been looking for in drugs and alcohol,” Rozzano explains. It was in treatment at Nanaimo’s Edgewood Treatment Centre that she discovered her strong inner core and learned how to examine her life and behaviours in a brutally honest fashion and to admit just how her addictions had ruled her life for so long.

Rozzano now works at Edgewood and is dedicated to helping others with the lifelong struggle against addiction, Rozzano hopes her books might become a vehicle to get people thinking and talking about addiction and examining the role it plays in their lives.

“My greatest love was addiction,” she recalls. “It was no longer people or life.”

But once she was ready to face the terror that treatment seemed to hold, her life turned around as does that of her heroine Lyndsey. She found her happily ever after. It had been there all along. She’d just never been taught where to look.

And perhaps for someone reading the bleak, painful truths in Jagged Little Edges, there will come a moment of clarity and self-awareness that can help that person also get ready to change. “After all, Rozzano states, if I can get sober, anyone can.”

woman child
Emotional immaturity.
Do you ever feel like you have a little child within you? A scared little girl or boy, curled up in a ball, somewhere deep down. One who’s afraid?
Those of us who have experienced addiction, either growing up in an alcoholic family, loving an addict, or being one, know how to run like hell from feelings. Things is, we don’t know we’re avoiding our emotions. We tend to believe we are feeling them. But what we are really doing, is reacting to them. Chances are, we might even believe we feel other people’s emotions. We don’t. It’s impossible to feel another persons feelings. I can empathise, but those are still MY emotions. Many of us have an over-developed sense of responsibility, which works well with an addicts learned neediness and dependence.
If you can’t say no, if you can’t ask for help, if you say yes, when you want to say no, and you’re not running for the ‘doormat of the year award,’ what you’re doing, is avoiding emotional discomfort.
There’s no law that says you have to ‘feel’ your feelings. Nobody ever told me growing up that feelings were a necessary business to being emotionally healthy. I viewed emotions as messy and something, quite frankly, I was ashamed of.
You can imagine my amazement upon learning feelings were part of our human condition, and that they weren’t good or bad, but rather, comfortable and uncomfortable.
As an addict I LOVED feeling good. That was my goal. FEEL GOOD, all the time!
Trouble was, there’s no reality in that type of mindset. Besides, my idea of feel good, was actually what you would describe as ‘wasted.’
Strangely enough, getting sober was the easy part. Growing up emotionally, now that was work!
So how do you know if you’re emotionally immature? Here are a few classic signs.
If you’ve ever felt resentful after saying yes. You grit your teeth and roll your eyes and ‘git er done.’
If you’ve ever avoided answering the phone because you know the person on the other end is going to ask you a ‘favour.’
If you’re the ‘go to’ person every time someone needs help, yet when you need it, you can’t ask.
If you say no and then yes, because the guilt you experience for saying no is more uncomfortable, than the resentment you feel when saying yes.
If you feel like a victim and get mad (but don’t tell them) that people keep asking you to do things, when they should know better.
These are just a few signs. If you can relate to any, good news you’re not alone.
I have them all and then some!
But don’t despair. We can grow our emotional age to our chronological age, fairly easy. Well, sort of.
Growing up emotionally means we tell our truth. Sorry I can’t help you, I’m tired. Or, I scheduled some R and R time. I’m having a ME day.
Can you imagine? I’m having a ME day. Has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?
Yes, you will feel guilt. No, it won’t kill you. Yes, it will get easier. I promise.
When we stop avoiding our emotions, we stop enabling. We don’t need to self-medicate by using, eating,spending, working, doing for others what they need to be doing for themselves, or all the other ways we self-sabotage.
Resentment and exhaustion disappear to be replaced with energy and self-worth, and honestly, we’re a lot more fun to hang out with!
Try it. Say no. Feel the guilt and say no anyway. Otherwise the little person that cowers within, will stay. She can never go out and play, she will need to remain ‘on guard’ and hyper-vigilant until an adult who is emotionally safe, comes to her rescue. She, is you, and she is waiting.
Wrap your arms around her, tell her you’ll meet her at the playground. Let her know it’s okay to be afraid… and go for it!

hug mom
I’m your child, or spouse, or friend. I come from all walks of life and I AM… back! I don’t belong to drugs anymore. I don’t care about them. Not in the way I used too. I care about getting clean. I WANT to get clean. I will do ANYTHING to get clean. I LOVE being clean. I NEED to get clean… and I will step over my using friends to do it. When I look at drugs, I don’t see fun. I see DEATH. I used to take your money and now I won’t. End of story. I CARE if you can’t pay the rent. I CARE if you need groceries. I CARE about your promises. I CARE if you lie to Dad. I CARE if you’re broke. Keep your rings, payoff your loan, keep your electronics, pay down your credit cards. I will get a job and find a way to help. I WILL pay you back. I WILL make amends. You think you can CHANGE me, or SAVE me. You can only LOVE me. A POWER GREATER than the both of us, is in charge. Something warm and ALIVE flitters within me. I respond to love and truth. You can CRY all you want. I care. Your tears are healing. I should know. I’ve cried buckets. I have integrity and values. My morals are important. I will say anything, do anything, and reach out to anyone, to get CLEAN. Although I have played the game with you, make no mistake. I play it no more. I won’t say whatever you want to hear, I won’t promise you the world, I WILL tell you the truth. I will look you in the eye, and I’ll try not to break your heart… ever again. I don’t feel your pain. I feel mine. My heart has thawed. I have HOPE. It’s energizing and life-giving, and it FEEDS me. In a strange way you’re resentful. This new life of mine keeps me dependant on my recovery group. When I’m thinking about my next fix, I find them, quick! Then when I’ve talked it out, I leave. You’re anxious without me. You phone me and offer to buy my food, or pay my rent. You LIVE to GIVE. By now, you’re NEED has become greater than mine. I can’t stay HEALTHY without my recovery group. You can’t breathe without hearing from me. When you offer ‘to do’ for me, you think you’re helping. You believe you’re making a difference, but what you’re really helping… is my RELAPSE. I will tell you that, and you know it, deep down. We can’t go on like this. BOTH of us have to change. I can’t take your help now. I’m afraid you will die from anxiety, or a heart attack, or stroke, when I tell you, NO. You’ve waited YEARS for me to change, and see the light. Now it’s your turn. Will you PLEASE reach out for help? You don’t have to keep my secrets, or protect my lies anymore. I run an honest program. There are no more messes to clean up. You don’t need to bail me out. Please quit loving me to the exclusion of EVERYONE else. You have changed, growing bitter and resentful. Please don’t hide from your friends and isolate. Ask for HELP. I did. It saved my life. I want that for you too. Your world revolves around one thing only… ME. I USED to use drugs to cope with my ANXIETY, now I use GOD and the steps. We were both so MESSED up. As long as I have YOU to enable me, WE are doomed. But there is HOPE. Can you dig deep enough to find the COURAGE that lies within you, to STOP this insanity? Will your LOVE ever become greater than your FEAR? Would you be strong enough to reach out? Will you learn to say HELP? Will you allow me to experience the consequences of my actions? Will you LOVE me enough to feel your OWN emotional discomfort? Will you stop enabling MY addiction, and start coping with YOUR feelings? You say you would do anything for me, but will you go to an Alanon meeting? I’m no longer trapped within the confines of this cold dark, serpent – addiction. Today, I am… FREE.

Lorelie Rozzano

front cover
I have some VERY exciting news! A little book I wrote for our children is now available. Kids who are growing up in alcoholic or addicted homes need support. I wish there was a book out like this when I was young. Would it have stopped me from becoming an addict? Probably not. Or maybe it would have? Who knows. All I know for sure is that when our kids have a voice, they have self-worth. And when they have self-worth, they make healthier choices.
To our children. This one’s for you. <3
To purchase a copy just click on the link below.

Addiction 101

older woman
When you love a family member who is addicted to a substance or unhealthy behavior, you’re in for a lonely, painful, and confusing ride. If you are the ‘go to’ person that the addict seeks out time and again when needing assistance, you have become the primary enabler, or helper. This position most often falls to a significant family member such as Mom or Dad, but a spouse, child or friend can be the addicts ‘helper’ too.

Below are a few of the key symptoms of this illness, which can often be used to ‘train’ family members to enable addiction.

Emotional hostage taking and extortion. This happens when the addict/alcoholic threatens harm to themselves or someone else, or someone harming them, if you don’t accommodate their demands.
Manipulation. Manipulation is a key factor in the addicts training of a family member or primary enabler. The addict’s purpose is to control or manipulate a person, place or thing, into a position of giving, or seeing things their way. Addicts manipulate so that other people feel responsible for them, and shoulder the consequences of their actions.
Blaming and resentful. Addicts/Alcoholics do not take responsibility for their actions. They blame others for the situation they are in. Using blaming and shaming tactics they can often become abusive if not getting their way. Families develop coping skills, or survival tactics, of giving in to the addict’s needs, to defuse or stay ‘safe’ in the situation. Or to avoid their own emotional discomfort.
Denial and delusion. Addiction is a dishonest disease. To avoid responsibility lying becomes second nature. An addict’s thought process is impaired and irrational. Denial makes a problem smaller than it really is. Delusion says “What problem? There is no problem.” Both addicts and their family members can suffer from this.
Self-pity. Addicts tend to believe their situation is worse than everyone else. People are out to ‘get’ them. They often exhibit a ‘poor me’ mentality and can become angry if reminded of positive experiences.
Self-absorbed and self-centered. Addiction is a selfish, me, me, and me – illness. Addicts are absorbed with their own needs and problems, and see their needs as greater, or more important, than others. People who are addicted are not available emotionally to their family members.

No family member consciously sets out to ‘help’ their addict die. Addiction is a POWERFUL disease and one on one, it wins every time. If you are the ‘go to’ person for the addict in your family the best thing you can do for both of you, is to seek help.
When the consequences outweigh the rewards, most addicts (not all) will be forced into a position of being responsible for their illness. This is when change and recovery can occur.

One thing’s for sure, if you continue to use the same thinking that got you into this mess, to get you out, your situation can turn deadly.
If you’d like to learn more about addiction, or need further support, you can call your local drug and alcohol services for resources in your area.
Lorelie Rozzano.

girl addict

Addictions says.

mom car

Enabling might not come in tablet form, but don’t kid yourself. It’s a powerful drug, and one that provides INSTANT relief. Enabling gets rid of guilt …temporarily. The problem is guilt, anxiety, or fear, doesn’t stay gone. It comes back, bigger and meaner than it was before. The FIX? More enabling, and so the cycle begins. Enabling is a self-serving act. It has nothing to do with caring for the addict. The enabler suffers with delusion and believes they are helping the addict. But what they’re really doing is mood-altering, or avoiding their own emotional discomfort by saying NO, when NO, is the right thing to say.
Addiction and enabling are a progressive illness. One that is terminal in nature.
Family members who enable do it because it feels good. Just as the addict or alcoholic takes a drink for relief. The enabler co-aides their addict and a sick needy, compulsive relationship begins. This relationship changes over time. The addict is CONSUMED by their substance. The enabler is CONSUMED by their addict. The enabler needs to feel in control. The addict needs to feel high. Both parties experience the effects of their illness. Loss of hope. Isolation. Financially unstable. Weight gain or loss. Loss of relationships. Marriage breakdown. Divorce. Fractured family system. Loss of job. Ulcers. Migraines. Depression. High blood pressure. Heart attack. Stroke. Insomnia. Nervous breakdown. Contemplating suicide. Contemplating homicide.
The addict cannot stay sick without the enabler. The enabler cannot stay sick without the addict. They need each other to continue living in this insanity.
Both live by the mantra, ‘Just one more time.’ Both addicts and enablers make decisions based on ‘impaired’ or wishful thinking.
The enabler thinks they can FIX the addict. The addict just wants their next FIX.
Neither enabler nor addict is powerful enough to FIX another person. But they can change themselves. Addiction requires an enabling system. It can’t stay sick without one. Whether you’re an enabler or an addict, you need help. Without help you simply continue in the same patterns that got you into this mess. Enablers often state they would die for their addict, but I wonder will they live for them? Don’t wait for someone else to change. Be the change. The only thing worse than one person suffering from addiction, is two.

addict boy
From the moment I was born, addiction has been a constant in my life. My father is an alcoholic, (sober now) and my mother was, well, distracted. Her job was looking after my father. Growing up we learned quickly that feelings were dangerous, and we developed the ability to shut down our emotions. Of course because we were unable to communicate them, we acted them out. It was chaos. We all walked on egg shells and learned the three golden rules. Don’t talk. Don’t trust. Don’t Feel. My sister and I turned to drugs and alcohol. I worked in bars for many years while raising my own family, and passing on all the shit, I swore I never would. My children struggled with addiction. I sought unhealthy men. It wasn’t intentional, it was what I knew. My life was a mess, and if you were in relationship with me, so was yours. 17 years ago the world I knew came to a crashing halt. Everyone in my life had stopped enabling me. EVERYONE! I couldn’t bum, beg, or manipulate my family anymore. It was the worst day of my life. At least that’s what I believed back then. How I HATED my family! With no place left to go, I went to rehab with my tail tucked between my legs and a single purpose. To get the hell out of there as fast as I could! I tried my best to manipulate the counselors and the people in the facility. I really did. But you know the old saying. You can’t con a con. Pain turned back on. So did sorrow and grief. I cried buckets of tears and went through boxes of Kleenex and then something strange began to happen. The paraylyzing grip that had held me so tight throughout my entire life began to loosen. I could breathe easier and my skin began to fit. Then for no good reason at all, I laughed. One of those laugh till you cry and your stomache hurts, kind. The chains of misery fell away and something far more addicting began to take its place. HOPE. Hope… OMG! Suddenly the possibilities were endless and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I was living life Clean and Sober and loving it! I’ve been clean ever since. 17 years and counting. Today I am blessed to have a family I love beyond words. I work in the field of addiction helping addicts and their families to recover from the insidious effects of addiction. I share my experience through my books and blog. We focus so keenly on the addict, but addiction effects EVERYONE. Addiction is a family disease. Don’t wait for someone else to change. Be the change!

Below are four different, but similar perspectives on addiction. The addict’s veiwpoint, The mother of the addict’s viewpoint, The wife of the addict’s viewpoint and The daughter of the addict’s viewpoint.

I NEED to get high – an addict’s perspective.

I NEED you to get clean – a wife’s perspective.;

I NEED a clean Dad – a daughter’s perspective.

I NEED to enable – a mother’s perspective.;

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