Jagged Little Lies to be released January 17, 2014

jll cover fix

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive
– Walter Scott

Her friends and family tell her – her son’s an addict. But she doesn’t believe them.

Her world is spinning out of control. Her mind races. Her days are consumed by pain and worry.

People think they know her… but they don`t, not really.

She wears a mask, of sorts…..

Only the mask is heavy, and exhausting.

And it`s starting to slip.

The cracks are beginning to show.

Just as she gets one patched up, another breaks wide-open.

Pretension – it’s such a deadly game to play.

Just how far will one mother go to save her son?

Jagged Little Lies….. available now.

Jagged Little Edges is now available as an eBook and paperback book.

Lorelie Rozzano debuts her first book.So exciting! It is available now. Here is the press release about the book:

Author, Lorelie Rozzano, has taken her own life experience shackled by the chains of addiction and is turning it into a series of fictional novels that weave first-hand experience into compelling stories. The first in that series – Jagged Little Edges – will be available now at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com and http://www.omnilit.com for $5.99 US, with a hardcover copy available now.

Rozzano has created a darkly fascinating protagonist in Jagged Little Edges. Lyndsey is a teen living in a world of hurt and abuse, in a family where she is often neglected and beaten, where dysfunction and addiction are ways of life for those around her. Unsurprisingly she seeks some way of easing the pain of her world: “That was how it had felt for her as long as she could remember. Like cuts, coming first in words, as they tore little pieces of her innocence, trust and self worth. Evolving into the physical form, with a smack to the head, a cuff to the ear and at times, welts and bruising on her back side. But by far, the greatest damage of all was what you couldn’t see. A soul, torn asunder, left with an open wound, a vast emptiness and a hunger that screamed to be fed.”

Looking for comfort and love, Lyndsey turns to alcohol and drugs, usually stolen from her parents’ stash, and finds something like a relationship in the arms of a man who seeks only sexual release, someone to beat when he’s angry and someone to help him deal drugs. This bleak companionship is as close to an escape as Lyndsey can find in her brutal world, and for a long time she convinces herself it will get better, that caring and trust might one day be part of her life.

 This tough teen, who yearns for her happily ever after, even though she no longer believes in fairy tales, is determined to create a life for herself. She struggles against poverty, abuse and addiction. She takes you on a ten year journey as she looks for love in all the wrong places. Eventually hopeless, Lyndsey tumbles ever deeper into a life where drugs and alcohol rule her every waking moment, ruining even a relationship with a man who pulls himself out of addiction and tries to help her.

At the point of her darkest hour, help comes, in the form of nothing she would ever have wished for and everything she needed to be well. And even then, she fights it, struggling against her voracious demon addictions whose tenacious hold tests Lyndsey to her ultimate limits.

For Rozzano, a phone call to her parents when she had reached her lowest point, out of work, money and friends due to her addictions, turned things around and brought her to treatment. She has now been living clean and sober for more than 15 years.

And it is this success and desire to share her knowledge and the possibility of help to others that led to the creation of Jagged Little Edges, for she has now found what she needed to soften those edges that were destroying her life.

“The relief I had in becoming well was actually what I had been looking for in drugs and alcohol,” Rozzano explains. It was in treatment at Nanaimo’s Edgewood Treatment Centre that she discovered her strong inner core and learned how to examine her life and behaviours in a brutally honest fashion and to admit just how her addictions had ruled her life for so long.

Rozzano now works at Edgewood and is dedicated to helping others with the lifelong struggle against addiction, Rozzano hopes her books might become a vehicle to get people thinking and talking about addiction and examining the role it plays in their lives.

“My greatest love was addiction,” she recalls. “It was no longer people or life.”

But once she was ready to face the terror that treatment seemed to hold, her life turned around as does that of her heroine Lyndsey. She found her happily ever after. It had been there all along. She’d just never been taught where to look.

And perhaps for someone reading the bleak, painful truths in Jagged Little Edges, there will come a moment of clarity and self-awareness that can help that person also get ready to change. “After all, Rozzano states, if I can get sober, anyone can.”

5 warning signs to be aware of when recovering from addiction.

start here

Whether you’re a newly sober addict, alcoholic, or the family member of one, one thing’s for sure. If you’re going to stay healthy, you’ll need to work a program of recovery.

The addict/alcoholic’s  main goal in early recovery is to stay abstinent. While the codependent’s is learning how to say no and set healthy boundaries.

For the codependent it’s easy to slip into  ‘as long as the addict isn’t using, I’m fine.’

The addict/alcoholic can fall into the same trap, believing that abstinence is all that’s required of sobriety.

Both are wrong.

Sobriety and recovering from addiction, is a physical, emotional, behavioural and spiritual experience.

Without a group of people we are accountable too, it’s easy to fall back into our old ways. When we don’t share our thoughts and feelings and become responsible for unhealthy behaviours, we develop symptoms of addiction becoming miserable and resort to self-medicating or enabling.

Addicts/alcoholics use because their thinking is dishonest. They justify, rationalize, minimize and deny the effects of their usage. They feel anxious, stressed out, angry, or sorry for themselves and nurture resentments. The family members do the same thing. They enable for exactly the same reason the addict/alcoholic uses. Both achieve instant relief, for long term misery.

Below are 5 warning signs to be aware of when recovering from addiction.

1. People pleasing. When you tell people what you think they want to hear, instead of how you really feel. When your insides don’t match your outsides,  you’re not being congruent. You’re being phony. The pay off is avoiding the uncomfortable feelings you might have by upsetting or disappointing the person you are ‘people pleasing’ with. The pay off is brief, just as in using. The consequences of this behaviour is feeling tired or exhausted – holding feelings in takes a ton of energy and leaves you exhausted and lethargic – You’ll avoid this person, or persons, missing opportunities to work through uncomfortable emotions and experiencing growth. You never learn to ask for what you need. Your relationships with others is on the surface only. You don’t develop deep connections. You feel alone, lonely and misunderstood.

2. Expectations. We’ve just stopped enabling, or sobered up. Now what? As an addict or family member in early recovery our expectation is once the using is gone, everything else will fall into place. WRONG! The actual usage (using or enabling behaviours) is only 15 percent of the problem. Once that’s gone, there is still 85 percent of the problem left! When we think others should know how we feel, or be there for us without having to ask, when we think others should behave in a certain way, when we are other focused, we are practising expectations. The surest sign you’ve had expectations is feeling frustrated.

3. Self-Pity. The poor me syndrome. Self-pity isn’t sadness. Sad is healthy feeling. Self-pity is not. Self-pity asks ‘why me.’ It nurtures negative thinking such as my life sucks, or I never get a break. Self-pity is a whiny tone of voice. You can hear it once you learn to recognize the tone. Self-pity builds a case. It looks for things to complain about. When others try and remind you to be grateful, you feel angry. Nothing is ever good enough. The house is a mess, the grass needs cutting, the kids are  messy, the bed is hard, the dog sheds to much hair, you’re not appreciated. You feel empty on the inside and either isolate, or look to people, places and things to fill the void.

4. Resentments. We develop resentments when we take short cuts in our recovery. Resentments come from having expectations of others, without doing the footwork. Perhaps a co-worker has said something at work that upset you. You wait for her to see how upset you are, but she seems unaware. Instead of telling her how you feel, you gossip about her. You find others who will gossip with you. You begin looking for things. You watch, analysing this person and then spin your perceptions – talking behind their back – often exaggerating what you see.  You feel angry, enraged and high. Resentment is a coward’s act.

5. Terminally unique. This is probably the most deadly warning sign of all. To be terminally unique means you are not teachable. You already know it all. You’ve got it all figured out. You don’t need help. When people talk to you about their concerns, you brush them off. Your persona is one of arrogance and grandiosity, often covering up an inferiority complex. Looks are very important to you. You say things like, “I know,” when clearly you don’t. There’s only one God in your life, you! Being terminally unique is a symptom of delusion and is often terminal.

Relapse doesn’t just happen. You don’t wake up one morning just having bailed out your addict, or with a crack pipe in your hand. Relapse is groomed, nurtured and fed. It’s a singular entity. There is no WE.

I learned in treatment I was either practising relapse, or recovery. There is no middle ground.

When we practise being humble. When we’re teachable and open. When we stop keeping secrets. When we live in transparency. When we involve other people who are striving for healthier lives. When we stop avoiding our feelings. When we give back. When we’re thankful and pray, down on our knees, WE are practising recovery.

Anything else, is simply a prelude to relapse.

circle 12 step.

Meet my family!

Have you ever wondered where you might be if only you’d sobered up?

Getting clean and sober is never easy. But living in addiction, is hell.

Throughout the years, one thing has stayed the same. Our sobriety. My husband and I went through treatment, me first, and then him, 17 years ago.

The following pictures are a life that never would have happened, without it.

Meet my family <3

family

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152246636099260

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97 cents! It just might change the way you think about addiction.

Have you ever wondered how someone crosses the line into addiction? Have you ever worried about how much you’re using?

coda 2

Is addiction a disease? A sign of weak will? Is it pain, gone horribly wrong? What is addiction? How do I know if I’m really an addict?

Addiction. I never believed it would happen to me.

I was so wrong!

The Jagged series. You won’t believe what they’re saying about these books!

JaggedLittleEdges_LorelieRozzano

jll cover fix

Only 97 cents!!! (for a limited time only)

Addiction. Know your enemy.

enemy

A young man crossed my path, strutting in front of me. He bumped into me with an oomph, and a dirty look. In his hand he clutched a clear plastic cup, filled to the brim with hot coffee. He didn’t spill a drop. The young man was tall and lean. His designer clothes hung on him. A chunky-gold necklace sparkled from his neck.

Johnny, I’ll call him that for the sake of confidentiality, turned his back on me and gulped his coffee.  He chugged it as if it were luke-warm water, his leg bouncing up and down all the while. He let out a large belch and wandered over to the coffee pot for more.

It wasn’t important to Johnny that he was breaking the rules, or that coffee was meant to be sipped from a mug, slowly.

He wasn’t in the least concerned with bumping into me, nor did he care when I mentioned to him that he was working on a relapse – that very moment.

Nope, Johnny was focused on getting one thing only. More.

Johnny isn’t unusual, and he’s used to getting his way. Rules are for other people. Not him.  To be fair, this isn’t entirely Johnny’s fault.  He’s learned that when he begs and pleads or screams and yells, and threatens to harm himself, or when he says someone else might harm him, that he will be rescued. He doesn’t see it as rescuing; he doesn’t see it , at all.

Johnny has lost the ability to emphasize with anyone. He belongs to addiction, and his master is greedy.

As Johnny and I talk – well me talking and Johnny rolling his eyes is more like it – his facial expressions and body language change from one of insolence, to anger, boredom and finally, smug.

He sneers holding up his plastic cup and says. “Yeah, I’m listening” as he drains his cup yet again.

Johnny’s lip lifts as he heads over to the coffee pot about to fill his cup for the…I’m not sure? He could have had ten cups before I found him there.

I watch his retreating back. He has a swagger. He thinks he’s pulled one over on me.

Poor Johnny, the only one that got fooled, was him.

Addiction. Know your enemy.

http://www.jaggedlittleedges.com

What happens to children, who grow up in families with addiction?

alone girl

My recent interview with Dawn over at Growing Up Chaotic (to listen click on the play button at the end of this post) inspired me to put into words, what it is like to be a child, growing up in a family that struggles with addiction.

As a little girl I felt responsible for my parents. If they were having a bad day, I thought it was my fault. There was a lot of tension in our home. I became hyper-vigilant. My antenna was always up. I knew EXACTLY how everyone else was feeling – everyone that is, but ME!

I learned never to trust anyone. Ever!

I learned to avoid conflict by saying what I thought YOU wanted to hear, instead of what I was really thinking and feeling. I became a chameleon. I learned that what people say and DO, are two different things. I learned that my emotional well being, was dependent on YOU. If you were having a good day, then I was too. If you weren’t, then it was my JOB to try and make you feel better.

Because we never acknowledged problems in our home, I never learned how to work through them. Instead, I avoided problems and conflicts, growing more bitter and resentful as the years passed. I blamed others for my difficulties, nothing was ever my fault. I, was a victim. 

I viewed everything as good or bad, black or white, right or wrong, Without knowing it, I was rigid. If you didn’t agree with me, you didn’t love me.

I felt less than. If you liked me, you gave me permission to like myself. But then, I’d lose respect for you – for liking me.

Q – What happens to a little girl who has no self-worth or self-esteem?

A – She grows up into a big girl, who does a lot of damage to herself and the people she’s in relationships with.

By the time I was in my teens I had developed a relationship with substance. It made EVERYTHING better. Trouble was, it was only a band-aide for what was really going on.

I revelled in the attention I got from my friends. I LOVED the attention I got from men. I liked men better, than I liked woman. I was needy and emotionally starving. The men I chose had an endless job – trying to make ME feel better.

I craved intimacy – into me you see – and then scorned you for giving it to me. I was ashamed of my tears. I thought emotionally healthy people, were weak and embarrassing.

I NEVER wanted ANYONE to know how badly I NEEDED them.

When someone said “I love you” I didn’t believe them. I was suspicious and jealous and mistrustful.

And then, I got married and had a family and passed along all my ‘wisdom.’

To say it went badly, would be an understatement.

Yet, we were all doing the best we knew how.

So how does one, undo this mess?

Slowly, and with help. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Putting down the bottle, letting go of crack, that was easy. Try saying…help!

I thought I would die. I really did. My emotional discomfort, or dis-ease, was intense.

I spent my whole life avoiding feelings. I was numb and now I have to thaw out. 

Ouch!

But I didn’t die. As a matter of fact, I got relief. Relief, from years of pent up pain and grief. I learned that there was a child who was hiding within me. She has spent her whole life waiting to be seen and heard. She was a scared, neglected and angry, little girl. I pictured this ‘little me’ and became willing to LOVE her, the way she’d always deserved and needed. I learned that sometimes, we have to go back and parent ourselves. When my ‘little me’ was able to get her needs met, the ‘big me’ grew up.

I stopped running. It was exhausting and futile. After all, everyone I went, there I was. 

I learned that recovering from codependency and addiction, is a little like having the flu. It’s all gotta come out, before it’s going to get better. 

I learned that HOPE is every bit as addictive as crack cocaine, without the horrible, nasty consequences, that go along with it.

I made a promise.

I called upon whatever it was that was out there, to help me. Call it Higher Power, or God, or the Universe. Call it LOVE. 

I promised I would be there for people, to share my experience, so that they would know they weren’t alone, or crazy, or bad. I promised that if this ‘entity’ was willing to save me (I was thinking of ending my life) I would let people know there really was HOPE.

I truly believe if I can recover, you can too.

The question isn’t if, it’s when. Only you can answer that one. There are many of us here, waiting for you. You only have to do  the hardest thing, you ever will. But you can do it.

I learned something profound, and life-saving.

You see, asking for help wasn’t a sign of weakness, or failure, but rather one of great courage. 

But most importantly, I learned what Dorothy Bernard has known along. COURAGE is simply FEAR… that said it prayers.

To listen to the show, click here. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/growingupchaotic/2014/09/02/gracies-secret–a-book-for-children-of-addicted-parents

A song that touched my heart. https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=6&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCsQtwIwBQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D0l772kLwKj4&ei=sSAGVN3nN-_EiwLb3IGQAg&usg=AFQjCNFVsq8KdZjsScVOr9xFl-d4sBqGzA&sig2=uLzvKAStUxFOvfzcwYQ7eQ

Lorelie Rozzano.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Children of a Narcissist

Lorelie:

This hit home for me. Thank you to © Secret Angel and The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel, 2014. for the article.

Originally posted on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel:

The children of a narcissist,
have been hurt in so many ways.
They have watched years of abuse…
and suffered from it many days.
Many broken promises…
abusive words and acts galore.
Cause wounds to these children…
with a cycle of abuse in store.

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