The Real Reasons You’re Not Getting Clean And Sober.
People think they know you, but they don’t. Truthfully, you barely recognize yourself. Lately, you can’t even look in the mirror. You try not to think about it, but deep down, you know… your addiction is taking a massive toll on you and your family. Money, relationships, and self-respect-gone. Even before you dabbled with alcohol and/or drugs, you were on shaky ground. Now it’s a landslide. You tried doing the right things. You said what people wanted to hear. You smiled when you were in pain. You hide in plain sight. You never wanted to hurt anyone, but in spite of all your good intentions, you hurt them anyway.
You know others who have gotten clean, but you keep failing. Secretly, you’re losing hope. You wonder if you’re a lost cause or hopelessly incapable. You know something is getting in your way.
Likely, that something is this…
You won’t tell anyone this, but you’re afraid. Your drug of choice has become part of you. It helps you get out of bed in the morning and go to sleep at night. It’s with you through every single thing you do. When you feel upset, it promises relief. When you’re hurting, it takes away your pain. When you’re lonely, it comforts you. It’s your safety blanket and best friend. It understands you as no one else does. And now, it’s trying to end your life.
You like being high.
You still remember the first time you got high. The euphoric rush was so intense you keep chasing it. There’s a perfect window of time when nothing else exists. That first drink, snort, pill, toke, or shot does it every time. The feeling is so exquisite you built a lifestyle around it. And now it comes before your spouse, children, family, or friends.
You don’t want to deal with the fallout of your addiction.
Every time you pick up, there’s another consequence. You can’t get high without them. But you keep trying. You come up with the plan. The one that’s going to make things different this time. Your plan usually looks like; moving, changing jobs or relationships, or drugs, but it doesn’t work for long. It seems where ever you go, addiction follows. Trying to clean up the damage is overwhelming. It’s easier to get high than to deal with the consequences of using.
You think life will be boring.
Without your drug of choice (DOC), you find life kind of dull. Reality sucks. But with a little chemical help, it can be fun. Hilarious even. You might find it easier to care about other people when you’re under the influence. You like living on the edge. You thrill seek, and getting away with things excites you. You get a rush from pushing the envelope and not getting caught.
You don’t feel good when you’re sober.
Without substance, you can’t quite shake that uptight, miserable feeling. Coping with painful emotions and difficult tasks is not a skill you’ve acquired. Socializing with people and going to work, requires considerable effort. You wear a mask, and the cracks are showing. People stress you out. Truthfully, you’ve always felt different from others.
You’re empty inside.
Addiction isn’t about drugs and alcohol. It’s an absence of self. This absence is described as a hole in the soul. You can’t love yourself or others when you’re empty inside. You try and fill the void with food, sex, relationships, shopping, work, internet, gaming, driving recklessly, alcohol, drugs (or anything else that allows you to escape yourself). Every time you pick up you get relief. Only it doesn’t last. The fix? More dope, more alcohol, and ultimately, more emptiness.
You don’t think you can.
You know you have a problem and you’ve tried many different ways to manage it. You’ve limited your cash on a night out. You drank beer instead of hard alcohol. You’ve swallowed sleeping pills to avoid buying more dope. You’ve even gone periods without using. But you’re not able to stay abstinent for long, and now you’re losing hope. You’re giving up on yourself and giving in to your illness. You’re engaging in the worst kind of betrayal. You quit caring about yourself.
Believe it or not, the reasons above aren’t unique, I have struggled with similar thoughts and feelings. Luckily, your success doesn’t depend on your thoughts or feelings. Your success depends on your actions. When you change the things you do, your thinking will change, and ultimately, the way you feel about yourself will improve.
Tired of being sick and tired?
Of course, you are!
Addiction controls everything you think and do. But you can win this battle! To change your life RIGHT NOW, all you have to do is the one thing addiction hates – reach out for help. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve attempted in the past. The only way you can fail at recovery is to quit trying.
Just finished reading the last of your 3 books. A real remember when for me. I have been in recovery since May 2004.
Presently working on a codependent step study as my daughter is addict/alcoholic.
She doesn’t think she has a problem.
Congratulations on your recovery and being a bright light of hope for your daughter.
I feel your pain … I went through it for 10 years and in the end I lost my SON , his name was Derek , I hope you child will get well , Gods Mercy ❤ I just feel so alone , no one I know has been through it
I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers and big hugs <3
My son is in late stages he’s died revived several times he’s done and is doing all the above to the point he had to go havent heard from him for wks i see no option but death my life is hell
Have you thought about doing an intervention?