Relapse doesn’t just happen. It’s a culmination of weariness, dishonesty and ‘not telling.’ It’s easy to forget, with a few years under your belt, that it’s okay to have a bad day. Or days.

Everyone has bad days.

Right?

When you’ve been sober awhile you learn to give back. And it feels good. After years of hurting and causing pain to yourself and others, you stop. Little by little you make a difference in your life and in the lives of others.

You feel better, you look better, you do better. You are better.

You are better? Aren’t you?

Um, nope.

Addiction is not a curable disease.

It is treatable. You can put it into remission.

But you can’t cure it.

They say it’s always with us, just waiting, doing push-ups. Like any hungry predator it hides, stalking and waiting, ever so patiently.

After awhile you don’t see it anymore. At least, not like you used too.

We think relapse comes in a bottle, a line, a pill, a needle, or any other mood altering behaviours or substance.

But it doesn’t.

Relapse comes in weariness, not practising grattitude and forgetting to pray. It comes in secrets and resentments and self-pity. It comes in little white lies, arrogance, compliance and justifying.

And it doesn’t come right away.

It comes over time.

A bad day stuffed behind a fake smile.

A “I’m fine.” When I’m not.

A ‘yes’ to just one more thing, when all you really want to do is rest.

A skipped meal, less sleep, it all adds up.

Without balance you lapse back into needing something to help you sleep, or give you energy to fulfill your obligations.

And for many of us our obligations grow over the years, over-filling our plates.

Then, one day the pill you were so terrified of taking becomes helpful. You need it to sleep or fuction in your busy life.

You might even get away with it… for awhile.

But it will catch you. It always does. And it doesn’t start back at square one, it starts worse. Much worse.

If you think addiction had you by the throat before, just wait!

I’m humbled by this disease. It’s cunning, baffling, powerful, and oh yeah… patient.

It’s alcohol-ism not alcohol-wasim. I need to remind myself of this every day.

If you’re coming back, pick yourself up, start over, and be willing to do whatever it takes.

Your sobriety is decided upon the choices you make in this 24. Admitting you want a drink or drug doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a failure. But it does increase your chances of staying clean and sober. Addiction is an impulsive disease. Cravings usually pass within a few minutes. As they say In The Rooms, big mouths get better faster. Developing the skill set to ‘tell on yourself,’ is a sure sign you’re on the right track.

Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com