1) You often feel lonely and sorry for yourself. You dwell in self-pity, the POOR ME syndrome. Your expectations of others are unrealistic. You focus more on what’s wrong with your life, than what’s right.

2) You feel helpless. Life just happens to you. You feel powerless, stuck and incapable of change. You look to others to change their behaviours, never addressing your own.

3) You blame others for the predicaments you’re in.
Nothing is ever your fault. You never take ownership for the roles you play in things. You become defensive when people point out your shortcomings.

4) You behave in a passive/aggressive manner.
You won’t say how you feel, but you act it out. Example, you’re feeling angry but instead of saying it, you withdraw into long periods of silence punishing your family members with it. You lay ‘guilt’ trips on others, reminding them of all the things you’ve done for them.

5) Your outlook on life is negative. Life sucks. Nothing is ever good enough. You feel miserable, bitter and resentful. Other peoples lives look so much better than yours. People tend to avoid you.

Playing the victim is a learned behaviour. One that is manipulative and dishonest. This type of behaviour is an unhealthy way of getting your needs met. Most people who play the victim are fearful. They long for the comfort of others, but act in a way that drives those they want close, away. Adults who play the victim, are often emotionally immature and unaware of self.

If you’ve identified with any of the above examples, don’t be discouraged. The good news is your life can change immediately. Although you don’t have the power to change other people, you do have unlimited ability to change the way you think and behave. It is easier to want someone else to change, but it isn’t realistic. If you want to learn more about empowering your life, and living with peace of mind and contentment, I suggest getting involved with a 12 step program, as a guide to healthier living. The quality of your life never rests on the shoulders of someone else. Your happiness rests solely on you and the changes you are willing to make. You benefit, or suffer, from the actions you choose.
The next time you find yourself blaming someone else, or experiencing self-pity, ask one simple question. What’s my role in this? This question is guaranteed to help you move away from being the victim, into being self aware. Staying stuck is easy. Maybe even comfortable. Change is scary and exhilarating!
Either way, it’s your choice.