I wish I’d known.


I wish I’d known………

If I could go back, years ago, to another time and place. Another life.

I wish I’d known…….

The footsteps I so vigilantly vacuumed off the living room carpet ……. were still growing.

The handprints I scrubbed from the window glass……. proof of my children’s existence. Their lives.

The mess I so meticulously and callously cleaned. Forever complaining,

I wish I’d known………

How quickly they’d grow. How fast it would go.

Their tiny handprints, once so small, now fully grown. Their footprints, larger than mine.

 What I wouldn’t give, to see just one smudge, on the clear kitchen glass.

And if I could, I’d stand beside them and add mine too. The window glass mirroring our existence. Proof, we are family.

I’d celebrate the indentations on the carpet, understanding how profound those footprints really were. I’d take pictures of them. Each and every step a new possibility.

I wish I’d known……..

You’re never to tired to laugh.  To have fun and be silly.

To build precious moments, because soon they are gone.

But we are given many chances. And sometimes we see.

An odd scrap of paper, colored pink. An old stuffed teddy bear, discarded, in the back of the closet. A tiny scuffed pair of shoes. A dog eared piece of paper with the words barely legible. Mommy I love you.

Treasures more precious than money or gold. Tiny fingers and toes. Smudges and footprints. Gifts, waiting in the hamper. Clothes dirtied, worn by the people I loved.

I wish I’d known back then.

I really do.

Giggles erupt from the throats of their children. Footprints, leaving behind debris. Pieces of paper framed in glass. Nana we love you. Handprints smudge on the kitchen glass. I’m on the floor, I’m a truck, a bird, a cuddle monster. My children’s children and I joined. A huddle of silly giggling flesh. We make up stories and pretend. And anything is possible.

Yes, I wish I’d known……

We build a bridge, my grandchildren and I. One that leads back many years. To place missing kisses on the cheeks of their parents.  Because it’s never to late.

And I hope never to say again,

I wish I’d known……..

Because now, I do.

(c) 2014 Jagged Little Edges All Rights Reserved


  1. Hi, I just cried while reading this on Facebook. I did know but it still made me cry. The fact that you are able to enjoy your grandchildren is just wonderful and I am quite certain your children, who know you and your heart will take heed.
    Generations differ and there is a time for every heart to shine. Shine on!

    • Thank you. I stopped by to like your blog as well. I appreciate your kind words. Life is crazy busy for most of us. But every once in awhile, if we pause in its midst, and understand, this moment I will never have back.
      It sure goes fast!

  2. Denyse, since we first became friends you’ve always inspired me. You kept it together when I couldn’t. And yes those days are behind us… but never forgotten. Hugs.

  3. Denyse Everett

    Lorelie, i believe i can understand how difficult this was for you to write. Remember when your prize possesions were your green Monte Carlo and your electric living room drapes? This is what i admire so much about you. Revealing the raw truth about your addictive life. No more lies, no more secerets. Those days may be behind us but, not forgotten. The things that were important are still there. Family and friends. You have made an amazing change in your life. You inspire me to keep trying!

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