After working in, and recovering from, the enormous impact addiction has had on my life, I am blessed to be able to work with others. I am especially blessed to work with ‘The addicts family.’

The addicts family are like our war heroes. They get up each and every day with the same purpose, to save a life. The life of their addict.

We all focus our time, money and resources on supporting the addict, but what about their family?

Unfortunately, it isn’t only the addict who pays for their choices. Because the family often shoulders the consequences, they can be is dire circumstances too.

You learn to hold your breath when you’re the family member of an addict. As if one wrong word could set off a ticking time bomb. You take every precaution possible to avoid the explosion. You walk on egg shells, hoping and praying you’re not doing, or saying, the wrong thing. Your head lives in constant state of alarm, the ringing of a phone can have you hyper-ventilating.

You keep waiting……. for the call.

You pray to God if and when it does come, you’re being asked for money, because it’s easier to be asked that, than nothing at all.

The birds stop singing. Music causes pain. Children’s laughter becomes a mild annoyance. God is no longer comforting, he’s cruel and harsh. The world is heavy and you are too.

A fleeting moment of laughter brings on a bout of guilt. Conversations stretch into long periods of silence. Each and every family member drawing within, to live in a world of confusion and pain.

A viscous cycle of no, well OK yes, but just this one time.

Once in, it’s hard to get out.

It’s always about the addict.

Until it isn’t.

For the addicts family members are precious, and giving, and sweet, until the pain they carry within becomes too much and  they turn sour. I wonder if their addict even notices them anymore? Or are their families simply a means to an end? Sadly, I know for me that’s what it came down to. Who was going to give me my next fix? If it wasn’t you, you wouldn’t be seeing me. It wasn’t a conscious choice. What families, and addicts don’t know, is physiologically and psychologically addicts become dependent on their drug of choice, which precedes all else, including families.

By this time you can’t rationalize, wish, or love addiction away. You only get sick for trying.

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Page 417 of the Big Book.

Acceptance is key in freeing the addict and their family members. I believe this is one of the most difficult stumbling blocks. For once you’ve truly accepted your loved one is ‘sick’ you move away from fixing. Just like cancer none of us have the ability to cure this disease.

But we can put it in remission.

And we start with the family first, not the addict.

For those of you who have an addict in your family, I’ll say to you, what they can not.

This is not your fault.

You didn’t cause it.

You can’t cure it.

You can’t control it.

You are precious and beautiful and worthy of love. You deserve to live with peace and integrity. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect.

The best thing you could ever do for your ‘addict’ is to look after you.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You can’t use the same thinking and behaviours that got you into this mess, to get you out.

The hardest thing an addict or family member will ever do, is to ask for help.

If you’d like support, or have questions, I’d love to hear from you.