5 Sure signs YOU are Codependent
1) Low self-worth: You never feel good enough. You compare yourself to others and never quite measure up. You feel less than. You look too people, places or things, to bridge that gap.
2) People pleasing: You are not able to say no.The idea of doing so has you squirming with discomfort. You say yes when you mean no and then feel resentful for it. You think people should just know how you feel and not put you on the spot. You avoid conflict but behave in a passive-aggressive manner.
3) You feel overly responsible for others. Other peoples issues and emotions somehow seem to be your problem. Even strangers. You smile at the grocery clerk when you don’t feel like it, because you don’t want to upset them.
4) You’re emotional well being is reliant upon the actions of another. This is a big one. Your partner-child-friend-co-worker is having a bad day. It’s your job to fix them. If they’re okay, you’re okay. If they’re not, you try harder. You’re emotionally entangled in their well being, without any sense of your own. This is where enablers live. Not because they are helping their loved ones, but because they are avoiding their own discomfort.
5) Mental obsession: You’re head wont shut up. You’re thoughts race from one alarming scenario to the next. You’re distracted and unavailable to others. You obsess on one certain individual. Other relationships suffer. You experience physical symptoms such as headaches, high blood pressure, ulcers, weight gain or loss, insomnia or over-sleeping, migraines, tooth or jaw pain, exhaustion and in some instances stroke, heart attack, or cancer.
If you find that you identify with any of the above signs, this is GOOD news. You’ve probably known for sometime, things weren’t going in the direction you wanted them too.
The first step in changing anything, is recognizing there’s a problem.
When we look to others to meet our needs, we only grow more bitter and resentful.
Your happiness is your responsibility, but some of us need a little help getting there. 12 step groups are a great place to start.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
As Oscar Wide so beautifully puts it. To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
May you find the courage to move beyond existing, and learn how to really live.
