Families are tough, after all they live together and experience everything life has to throw at them. And every family seems to have  their own special brand of ‘cross’ to carry. They can struggle with divorce, cancer, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, anxiety, depression, abuse, mental illness and addiction, just to name a few.

As the old saying goes “Life is just one damned thing after another.”

Except with addiction, “It’s the same damned thing over and over again.

Now any of the above issues would be alarming and cause concern. But in families suffering from addiction, healthy concern progresses, just as surely as addiction does.

You don’t notice at first. It starts off as a niggling worry.

Is he drinking to much?

Is he stoned?

Why is he always sniffling?

And just like any predatory bird out hunting prey, you start to watch for it.

You develop the ability to hone in on this one individual, excluding all else.

Maybe you start hiding the bottles, or car keys, or your wallet. You begin feeling fidgety, worried, and anxious.

You’re at work and you can’t focus. Your child is tugging on your leg, “Mommy! Mommy!” Your spouse asks you a question and has to repeat it. And all the while you can’t stop thinking….

Where is he?

Who’s he with?

Is he using?

You might find yourself continually ‘checking up’ on this person. Maybe you drive by his/her work, or check the cell phone, or the hood of the car. You watch his/her face for twitches or signs….. they are on something!

And then one day, your suspicions are confirmed.

You try reasoning, bargaining, pleading, and threatening, all to no avail.

Can’t you see it’s killing you?

Just this one more time, I won’t give you money again.

Please stop, I love you.

If you don’t stop I’ll leave.

It falls on deaf ears and you are left alone, hurting, confused and in agony.

Others don’t seem quite as impacted as you.

Maybe it’s their fault? if they were better mothers/fathers/lovers/wives/children and family members, this wouldn’t be happening.

Your concern grows…..

You feel angry and resentful. You can’t eat or sleep. Your well being is now firmly entrenched in how the alcoholic/addict is doing.

You smile when they do.

Their bad days become yours. Your mission? To minimize those bad days.

Your job is demanding. The position is full time, the hours are never ending, and the pay, from your own pocket.

And still, you keep waiting.

Your world grows smaller, you avoid your friends. Family members attempt to support you but you pull away. After all they don’t really understand.

Nobody knows him/her like I do.

You wake up, go to sleep, and spend all day, thinking about this one person.

Concerned has now crossed the threshold into consumed just as surely as problem drinking becomes addiction.

And now?

We have two very sick family members.

Both will keep waiting for the other to become well. One has an excuse, they’re using substance which impairs their reasoning.

But don’t kid yourself. The non-addicted family members reasoning, becomes every bit as impaired. 

Addiction, the only disease you can love to death