The chameleon is a tree dwelling lizard that has the ability to change color and to move each eye independently. The colour change is involuntary and brought about by temperature change, light and nervous stimulation such as anger or fear.

People were never meant to be chameleons, and yet that’s what some of us become. What happens to ones sense of ‘self’, when  confidence, self worth, or self esteem is missing? What happens when you look to others, to build that for you? And what if the only way I can feel good about me-is if you do too?

We begin to define our worth, in our early years.

In healthy family systems, every family member is unique and important. Each member can get their needs met. The family operates as a democracy. Self confidence builds, thoughts and feelings are encouraged. Communication is open and honest. Problems are shared and sometimes solved. Integrity is preserved. Parents teach their young, leading by example. The family lives in transparency, and spontaneity.

Unhealthy family systems operate very differently.  One family member becomes the most important. The rest of the family exists simply to please this person. The family operates as a dictatorship. Self loathing builds. Anger, depression, and frustration are a constant companion. Communication is frowned upon. To have a voice is dangerous. Feelings are judged and mocked. Parents teach their children by ‘orders’ and Do as I say, not as I do. Problems are kept secret, hyper vigilance occurs. The family learns Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. Survival skills develop in this family. The Chameleon is one.

The chameleon learns early to change his or her colour. Their very life depends upon it. When there is danger they simply change into the least threatening position. They blend into their surrounds, never to stand out. They learn to be invisible. Growing up in unhealthy family systems we learn this too. Our antenna, very like the chameleons eyes, are honed and sharpened to an amazing degree. Often we know before entering our homes, if it’s safe to do so.

Many of us leave to find mates who need chameleons in their lives. We procreate and start the cycle all over again.

Others die chameleons.

And some, work really hard, because they realize a chameleon, is just not who they want to be anymore.

Then, they turn into butterflies.

By  Lorelie Rozzano.