What do you do, when you can’t live or die?
When all you wonder is why, God, why?
Back when addiction, was running the show.
I knew I was dying, but didn’t want to go.
Dopesick in bed, I prayed to God one day.
I held my breath fearing, what he might say.
Was he a vacant space? Or was he really there?
Could I believe in something? Would I dare?
Would he judge me? Would he laugh in my face?
Could I trust him? Was he a safe place?
How could he fix me? What would he do?
I’d never sought him before. I didn’t have a clue.
I closed my eyes and waited. I felt like a nerd.
Then he told me things, that I’d never heard
Though not by voice, nor by word.
Images and colors, came to mind
I’m a child, I’m laughing and trying to find…
A bug, that escaped a clear glass jar
That bug is ME and I’ve travelled far
I strayed from home, and I got lost
Booze and drugs my solution, but what a cost!
They stole my morals, and worth, but wanted MORE.
Getting up each day, became such a chore.
I gave them my heart, they wanted my soul
I lost weight, and teeth. Drugs took their toll.
But they weren’t finished yet, there was more to be done.
Another toke, shot, and pill. It wasn’t fun.
I was dead on my feet,
But my heart still beat
Yet I wasn’t alive…
My body just a place, for my disease to thrive.
God heard my prayers, and he held me aloft.
His love was unconditional and oh, so soft.
He began to rebuild me. He opened my eyes
And I could see clearly, a lifetime of lies
He gave me courage to stand on, and hope for wings
He filled my heart with gladness, for all good things.
He set me free. I learned to fly.
In God’s hands, I soar high.

Lorelie Rozzano. March 18, 2015.
www.jaggedlittleedges.com