I must confess. There are times I wish I could drink. At social gatherings, or on a hot sunny day. I miss rum and eggnog at Christmas, or drinking on vacations. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. The thoughts are there, but fleeting. In recovery I learned to play the tape all the way through. I’ll never forget my past, or those dark, horrible days. The days when the shame was so unbearable, I wanted to crawl out of my skin and disappear.
Writing helps me to remember, perhaps some of you will relate.
SHAME.
The sun comes up
I come down
The party’s over
There’s no one around
The new dawn brings death
To the drunken me
My eyes are open
I’m forced to see
Seems I’ve done it again
What I promised not to do
I really meant it when
I said I’d only have two
I hate myself
As much as you hate me
I must be broken, can’t you see?
This is no life
I’m a terrible wife
Will I ever be right?
Will I always fight?
I wish this was over
I just want to sleep
Instead I will cry, beg, plead and weep.
I scream in the silence, of my own mind
Dear God can you help me?
Please help me find,
The meaning of life, because I am blind
I cross the threshold, on tiptoes, into my home
My families inside, but I am alone.
Lorelie Rozzano.
nonsmokingladybug
I can relate, there are days when I want a cigarette and smoking one is tempting. Looking at an addictive substance is like looking at a spiderweb, it looks beautiful sometimes when the sun shines at it; then later on when you see the dead flies hanging in there you look at it for what it really is…a deadly trap! Thank you for this poem and thank you for sharing
Lorelie
I love that analogy! Thank you NONSMOKINGLADYBUG!
Lorelie
You’re welcome!