A Love Letter to my Addicted Adult Child.

My Dear Child,

I feel like I’m saying goodbye to you, and in a way, I suppose I am. I will always love you. I want the very best for you and I’m prepared to do the most un-natural thing, a mother can ever do. My minds screams, I’m abandoning you. Oh, I know you’re all grown up, but to me, you’ll always be my baby. That’s part of the problem. My nature is to protect you. I see you broken and despairing, and I am broken and despairing too. If you had cancer, or heart disease, I would fight tooth and nail to get you the care you need. In a strange way, this is me fighting. It’s the hardest fight I’ve ever fought. It would be far easier to stand at your hospital bed, knowing that what I was doing was helping you. But there is no hospital bed. There is no cancer, or heart disease. What there is – is an insidious little secret – one that has grown into a horrible, ugly beast. It is devouring you alive, and me, along with it. I’ve watched this monster grow. I pleaded with it. I’ve coddled it. I’ve even nurtured it. I’ve done everything I can think of to make this THING go away, but it is relentless. I am left to face the truth. You my precious child, are an addict. An addict! Oh my God! I can barely say it. I feel sick. I HATE that word. And yet, it is true. Why does the truth have to be so hard? Even harder, is what I still have to do. All my life I have watched over you and now I have to set you free. Not because I want too. Because I NEED to. It’s the only thing I can do, that might save your life. But the process may also end it. I’m told by other addicts and professionals, and other Mom’s who have gone before me, there is a far greater chance you will have success and get clean, if I do this. Almost always, this works. Believe me, almost, is nowhere near comforting enough. If I wasn’t sure, I was helping you to die, I would never choose this. But here I am, between a rock and hard place. With no good choices, only hard, and worse ones. Before I let you go, know this. I am here for you, ALWAYS. I am here for YOU. Not for your disease, but the you, I know hides deep down inside of the addict, somewhere. Whether you get clean by intervention, or you growing weary of the consequences, now that you’ll be dealing with them, or be it by divine intervention, this insanity will stop. If you ever thought it might be hard quitting drugs, my dear, you should try walking away from your child! I know we’ve both grown sick with this monster. You’re not the only one who needs help. I do too. I promise you I will do everything that is asked of me, even if I think I’m going to hate every minute of it. I’ll do it, because I know if I do, you might. I promise not to ask you to do anything, that I won’t do. I would ask you to take care, but you will only smile and nod, and carry on as before. The words would only make me feel better. They’re of no use to you. So instead, I shall give you to God. I don’t know who else to trust with you. I’ll wrap you in your favourite baby blanket. The one you dragged behind you until it was nothing but rags. I will pray for you and for me. I will pray that we both have the strength to do the next right thing, even, when it feels so wrong.

Go with God, my dear sweet child.

May we both find peace.

Love Mom.

 

Lorelie Rozzano.

www.jaggedlittleedges.com

hands let go

(c) 2014 Jagged Little Edges All Rights Reserved

31 comments

  1. Karen

    My 42 year old daughter put me in the hospital November 8.2021….for a week with serious bodily injury to a senior….all because I refuse to give her any more money for her habits..I was told by my sister whom is a Dr..to let her go about 8 years ago…now I am finally letting go and I refuse to let her back into my life ever again….I spent over 10.000 dollars in 8 months paying her habit..bills…car note…and her and her two teenage children eating out all the time..while I’m starving at home…she was arrested and let go in charlotte nc…the system sucks…and now I am so happy to get rid of her. Thank god…she tried to kill me…

    • Karen

      Now I can sleep finally after 30 years of taking care of her habits…every year she would move and I would have to pay for it….storage..security deposits…relocation to another state…also her kids education…it was like walking on eggshells everytime I wad around her…I admit I contributed to her becoming an alcoholic because I always gave in….I knew she was manipulative…and a con artist….but I just gave in….readers…I am doing much better since she is out of my life…my other 38 year old daughter has her two teenage children…in nc…the kids are doing great…don’t let yourself go just to help your child with a habit….God Has Watched Over me and has given me strength…karen..charlotte n.c.

      -1
  2. Cathleen L Zmotony

    I found this letter above looking for hope.. I need help with understanding it all. I know we go through painful things in life but damn I don’t get lost in it. HELP ME HELP MY DAUGHTER ❤️?
    She started heroin about 7 months ago and for now just snorting it yes I help her when she’s sick sometimes yes I give her money when she needs it yes I can’t do this no more. She came by last night with her husband who is a heroin addict you would not know it they are user’s that use it to function in life now I hate it. We we’re sitting on the couch last night then my daughter pulls out her bike of boi
    I would scream inside when I saw her do it from time to time but last night hit me like a ton of bricks I watched her this time and her line was a lot bigger and I said to her honey that’s pretty big line she said with attitude that it’s what I need now I realized then things coming are gonna get worse oh my God what do I do her Dad she loved so much died 5yrs ago we moved from california to Alabama out her is so much More use of opioinds in california it’s meth. I don’t blame anyone for her addiction I just need help to help her and myself in this web of addiction please I don’t want to wake up to a phonecall my daughter is gone please ? I need to know what to do our family are in california so hard to get support so far away and her attitude now is I don’t need nobody. To everyone going through these sad hard times don’t give up or hate yourself it’s not our fault it’s an adiction they love us they are deeply hurt and don’t want to deal with it so get help as I’m reaching out now don’t be afraid we need help and they deserve help too. ?✌️???

  3. Sue

    I’m finally broken enough that I know this must be done. My son is an addict. I’ve watched helplessly as he’s spiraled further out of control & have finally had to face the fact that without me enabling him, he might have had to learn the consequences of his behavior. For my sanity, I’m letting go, but dear God it hurts like hell. Reading this bright me to tears, something I’ve been fighting for fear I couldn’t stop them. I just went to my first NarAnon meeting & I pray he finds his way back

    • Lorelie

      Sue, by going to a meeting and leading the way you’re doing the best thing possible for your addicted child. The woman there will help you cope and stay healthy through the bumps. God bless!

  4. Ginny Kowalski

    My adult son entered rehab for alcohol addiction yesterday. I currently live 1,000 miles from him and when he got so sick, his liver so damaged, I flew in to try to help him. My heart is not in good shape, so his younger brothers took over and convinced me to go back home. I feel so useless. I was, or though I was, always the one to fix things. I realize now that I enabled him, even from afar, but always making excuses for his unhappiness…blaming his father, his now ex wife, strokes of bad luck….never him for his destructive behavior. I just needed to vent. This is so new to me. I am not fine, though I tell my kids I am. I am sad, and angry, and hurt and disappointed. Reading this made me realize that the best I can do for him is stand back and hope he wants to get well. He has three daughters that need him to do this. I will be here for all of them when they reach out. And if he beats this, I will cheer the loudest!

  5. How do you let your son go? Teach me, because I don’t know how to do it!

  6. Lori

    Lorelei-Im am so grateful for coming across your posts. My oldest son is an addict with so much anger. It has come to a breaking point where I know longer trust him around the family let alone his only daughter who is 4. My heart is broken and after dealing with the loss of both parents (Dad-2013,Mom-2016) I feel I’ve lost him. I have hope and pray for him daily,but have come to the point where he can no longer bully our family. Thank you for a bright outlook. My prayers to you and any other parent dealing with this. Bless

  7. OMG…. So going thru this….. My oldest son passed away last may 24th from a drug overdose and after that my daughter started using…..I now have custody of my 6 year old grandson…. Your letter is everything I would say to her…. God bless you

    • Lorelie

      Traci, I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family <3

      -1
  8. Janet Sawyer

    My daughter is addicted to oxycodone. She does not take it like she suppose to in pill form…she has to snort it. We have been arguing for years now because she has 2 small children in her home. I am always giving her money, food or whatever to help with my Grandchildren. She and her boyfriend have stolen just about everything of any value that belongs to me. They even pawn the childrens xbox, playstations, flatscreen tv…they have nothing left in the house for the children. They even take child support money to put on drugs. I’m so hurt and angry and even feel hatred right now. I told my daughter I will take her to get help and she keeps telling me next week. Wow…Weeks have turned into months now. The sad part of it all is, if I don’t do what she wants me to do for her…she won’t let me see my Grandchildren. That means my daughter and 2 grandchildren are absent in my life. I dealt with this for a month one time, and lost 15 lbs… from crying, stress, and depression. I told her my birthday is coming up March 10 and I will be 56. I am going to make a change in my life and it may not include her anymore unless she gets help for herself. My health is deteriorating from her stressing me out regularly. My heart will break for my grandchildren because I love them so much. My Granddaughter already wants to live with me and my Grandson loves to visit. Still stuck on Mommy. But Mommy is not Mommy right now. The Monster has got her. She has no respect for me anymore. Her and her boyfriend refer to me as the vulgar B Word. I am her Mother and all she can do is scream and cry at me for a drug! God help me…And especially help my child. I am so scared she will die at a young age. She walks the roads alone on dark nights…constantly looking a high. I just pray God will touch her, whisper…give her a sign and change her before its too late. I am lost and don’t know what to do anymore. I love my family so so much. Your letter touched my heart…and I cried, cried and cried. This letter is exactly what I want my daughter to see because its also how II feel. Thank you and god bless

    • Lorelie

      Dear Janet, I pray God whispers in your daughter’s ear too. In the meantime it’s important for you to seek support. Her addiction has become your illness too. You are suffering also. There is much you can do to stay healthy on this journey. Grandparents have rights and if she is unfit to be raising her children you can seek temporary custody. That may influence her to seek help. Addicts won’t stop until the consequences outweigh the rewards they get from using. Reach out for help, there are many resources available to you. You can start by googling alcohol and drug resources in your community. Alanon, Naranon, Family Anonymous and Smart Recovery are also great options. Best Wishes!

  9. Lori

    I came across this letter about 14 months ago, I had been dealing with my sons addictions for years, I never let him go. I set boundaries (he was an adult). My son died from an overdose 13 months ago, I miss him terriblly. I can say that I don’t miss his addictions, but I would do anything to have him back. Now I have to live with the pain of never, ever seeing him again?

    • Lorelie

      Lori I am so sorry for your loss <3

  10. Betsy

    I want to yell at the top of my lungs, God, someone, please please help my son, but the reality is only he can help himself, but he won’t. The hardest part is when you finally realize nothing you can do, you’ve done it all. Then you wait. Day by day you you wait for the news, prison, death, what? The whole of me cringes, my insides feel such deep despair, my son I did not raise you to do the awful things you do to satisfy that addiction. You lie, you steal, you wrong God, your loved ones, your friends, your bothers and sisters on earth, but that you betray the one you love most, your son, if you can turn away from him as you’ve done over and over again, what hope is there?

    Thank you Sister for sharing that letter, it says it all. God bless you and all of us, each and everyone one of us. ?

    • Lorelie

      Bless you too Betsy <3

  11. Melissa

    Your letter says exactly what’s in my heart to my son and many of the words I have expressed to him. I pray for him each and every day. Letting him go was and still is the hardest thing ever I feel like a piece of my heart is gone.

    • Lorelie

      Hi Melissa, you let his addiction go, not him. Boundaries are crucial to you both. Involving professionals is helpful too. Best wishes!

  12. Brenda

    I love this. Damn it hurts so bad. Why did it have to be this way? I love him so bad and have to let go. Its killing me.

    • Lorelie

      Brenda the right thing and the hard thing are often the same thing, when it comes to addiction. Please take good care of you!

  13. Grandma Kim

    I love my grandson with all my heart and soul but yesterday I had to tell him and his fiance to leave my home. I can’t take anymore of the emotional and mental abuse. When I refused to give him a ride to town supposedly for a pack of cigarettes but I knew better, and then hecalled me all the nasty names that he could think of, I knew I had to let him go. I am worried sick, I know that he had no where to go but I couldn’t continue on this path. My sanity is very important to me. If it wasn’t the drugs talking, he would have never talked to me like this. I hope someday I can see him andhe will be clean. Lord knows that this is what I pray for daily but until then, I have to let him go. I love him and I hope he lives through this disease. For now, I have given it to God. I can’t take no more~ But my heart is in so much pain. Thank you so much for this letter to let me know I am not alone.

  14. Jessie

    I, myself, am an alcoholic. I will always be a alcoholic. Although , I am in recovery. This letter touches so close to home. My mother and the rest of the family were out of ideas of how to help. No matter the love and desperate attempts to help. Nothing worked. I was the one who would decide if I wanted to get sober or not. The addict themselves, will only get sober when they truly are ready. They can’t do it for some one else. They have to do it for themselves. My mother would cry every day and night. Stay up late wondering if she’ll get that phone call. I would treat her with no respect .. But she knew, that wasn’t me. That was the addiction. Addiction is very ugly. Very dark. It will do and say anything to get its fix. I now have a son who is 3 months old. I look at him and pray that he won’t be like me. I cry when I lol at him because I can’t imagine him doing or saying the things I did to my mother. Sobriety is such a gift . I don’t take anything for granted. I am very open and honest about my recovery and journey. If I can at least help one person. I’ve done my job. As this letter has helped many others. I pray for this mother and her child .

  15. Tabitha

    From the bottom of my heart I have to say thank u for sharing this letter. My son has been an addict for ten years and I kn he is going to die if he doesn’t get help soon. He has been in so many rehabs and when he gets out he gos right back to it. I have lost one son to sucide he was 16 not to drugs though. I honestly can’t lose another.
    Thanks again for sharing your letter and whats in your heart. My prayers are with u

  16. Beth

    So heartbreaking. And yet I completely understand every single line. I’m so sorry for any mother that has to feel this kind of pain. It’s more like torture. My heart aches. It’s so sad.

  17. ericca Lynn porter

    You are an inspiration during my battled with addiction you walked me every step of they way in thank you soon much keep it up

  18. DeeDee Specht

    I can’t quit crying…actually bawling…I am the mother of 3 children and they are All addicts…my heart is so broken, but I agree with this letter..God save them all, PLEASE. </3

  19. Beth

    I loved your line “If you ever thought it might be hard quitting drugs, my dear, you should try walking away from your child!” It’s so un-natural as a mother but it can kill your child if you help me all the time. Thank you sooo much for putting how I feel into beautiful words

  20. debbie moles

    Thank you for sharing this. I also have a child that is an addict and he is incarcerated right now. I pray all the time that this time he will stay clean when he gets out. God bless you

  21. Elaine johnson

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I want to say these things to my daughter but I know it wouldn’t do any good right now. Reading this helped to cry which is something I needed to do but haven’t been able to do in a while. Thanks again for sharing!

  22. So heartbreaking. I’ve wanted to write a letter like this to my own son so many times, hoping that if I did so, it would be the thing to bring him to his senses. I hope and pray it does so for your son.

    -1
  23. Carol Ramage

    WOW! So touching and so true, it is what we must do, but it hurts so much…..

    -1

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