I’m your child, or spouse, or friend. But I’ve changed. I don’t belong to you anymore. I don’t care about you. Not in the way you want me too. I care about getting high. I WANT to get high. I will do ANYTHING to get high. I LOVE getting high. I NEED to get high.. and I will step over you to do it.

When I look at you, I don’t see YOU. I see a means to an end. You have money. I want it. End of story. I don’t care if you can’t pay the rent. I don’t care if you need groceries. I don’t care if you promised you wouldn’t give me money again. I don’t care if you lie to Dad. I don’t care if you’re broke. Sell your rings, take a loan, sell your electronics, max out your credit cards, or borrow the money from someone else, because if you don’t, I will STEAL it, or find some other way.

I WILL do anything, to get HIGH.

You think you can CHANGE me, or SAVE me. But you’re WRONG! Something cold and dead slithers within me. You can CRY all you want. I don’t respond to tears. I have no integrity or values. My morals are a thing of the past. I will say anything, do anything, and hurt anyone, to get my next FIX.

I mess with your head. I say what ever you want to hear, I promise you the world, I look you in the eye, and I break your heart… over and over again. I don’t have a heart. I have is HUNGER. It’s calculating and manipulative, and it OWNS me.

In a strange way you’re thankful for this. For it keeps me dependant on you. When I’m needing my next fix, I find you, quick! Then when I’ve gotten what I want, I leave.

You’re anxious without me. You offer to buy my food, or pay my rent. Our relationship is simple; You give. I take.

By now, you’re NEED is almost as great as mine.

I can’t stay SICK without you. You can’t breathe without ME.

You think you’re helping me. You believe you’re making a difference, but what you’re really helping… is my ADDICTION.

I won’t tell you that, but you know it, deep down.

If we keep going like this, one or both of us will die. Me from an overdose, that you paid for, and you from a heart attack, or stroke.

You wait YEARS for me to change, or see the light.
You keep my secrets and protect my lies. You clean up my messes and bail me out. You love me to the exclusion of EVERYONE else.
Your world revolves around one thing only… ME.

I USE drugs to cope with my ANXIETY and you enable me to cope with yours.
We are both so MESSED up.

But there is HOPE.

Will you dig deep enough to find the COURAGE that lies within you, to STOP this insanity? Will your LOVE ever become greater than your fear? Will you learn to say NO? Will you allow me to experience the consequences of my actions? Will you LOVE me enough to feel your guilt and stop enabling my ADDICTION? Will you be strong enough to set boundaries?

You say you would do anything for me, but will you reach out for help?

I lay trapped within the confines of this cold, dark, serpent addiction, and I am… DYING.

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Lorelie Rozzano.

(c) 2014 Jagged Little Edges All Rights Reserved

Leave a Reply

12 comments

  1. Alex

    I was the addict.yes it is all true. Now I am the parent. Wow what I put my mother through.now I feel the pain
    The powerlessness over the sick person.it is very difficult .oh I’m sober 4 years

  2. Alex

    This really hit home
    Thank you

  3. Alex

    I have to read this everyday
    It is so hard to do the right thing
    I started today
    Thank you

  4. Alex

    My son is killing me

  5. V thibodeau

    Never read a truer piece. As the spouse of a recovering alcoholic who saw him at his worst, I lived through trying to “help” him and almost lose my sanity in the process. The day I finally gave up on him to save myself is the day he finally started facing his demons and decided to get sober. Go to al anon, or at least read about enabling and co dependency, seek to detach… Best gifts you can give yourself and your addicted loved one.

    • I agree. My family detached from me 17 years ago and it saved my life. Addiction is a genetic disease and it gallops in our family. Luckily, most of us are now in recovery. I write about addiction to wake addicts and their families up, and to inspire change.

  6. Jason

    This seems like it’s more from the perspective of the enabler more than the addict

  7. Sarah

    Been down that road..it happens just like it is described here

  8. Truth! Powerful powerful words here. And absolutely true!

  9. Finally, true words… so many people ask my advise about their addicted love one and get mad when I say similar words to them!! They won’t accept the fact that by “bailing them out of their situations” ; that they’re actually putting another nail in their coffin.

    • So many families go down with their addict, exhausting all their assets. The best thing you can do for a family member struggling with addiction, is to learn all you can about the role you play, setting healthy boundaries and getting support. It starts with the family first, and then the addict.