There are times I wonder….. Who am I? I’m aware of being a woman and a daughter, a sister and a niece, a wife and a mother, and unbelievably (at least to me because in my minds eye I’m forever young) a grandmother. I’m a counselor and an author and a recovering alcoholic and addict.
But the question still remains.
Who am I?
I’m more than my age and weight, or what I do. I’m more than the things I have, or the places I go.
There’s something very knowing that dwells within me. At times I’m frustrated by it’s presence. I get the feeling it carries all the answers I seek. This knowing is miserly with it’s wisdom, doling it out in little crumbs, along the pathway of life. But you have to be forever vigilant, or you may walk right past a crumb without even noticing it was there.
The knowing speaks without words and has no voice, and yet I hear it’s message. It says things like ‘your time here is short. Live while you’re alive. Every single second is precious, drink it all in.’
There’s a sense something mystical awaits just beyond my grasp. A profound, elusive understanding.
So who am I?
Some would say I’m a spiritual being having a human experience.
But for the most part the human side far outweighed anything spiritual. However the tables are turning and perhaps, this was part of the plan.
I spent most of my life trying not to be me. I wanted to be the girl in the magazine, or the popular girl in school, or the celebrity, or the rock star. I looked longingly at others imaging somehow, if I could just make them like me, they’d hold the missing pieces I was so desperately seeking.
But they didn’t have my pieces. I did. I just didn’t know it.
As I type these words I sense this presence and I long to unleash it. But then it whispers patience, in a voice that has no words.
As the word patience settles deep within my soul, I believe I get a glimpse. It’s dark and fleeting, but there none the less.
Patience, what a profound message.
For isn’t this what we spend our whole lives trying to achieve?
Patience. Much of our life is spent waiting. Waiting to be born. Waiting, to grow up. Waiting to go to school. Waiting to come home. Waiting to graduate. Waiting to get married. Waiting to have children. Waiting to go on holidays. Waiting to retire. Waiting to die.
Maybe patience isn’t really about waiting. Maybe it’s about living, or maybe it’s as simple and complex as enjoying this very moment.
Ohhhh…. I think I might know the answer to this riddle.
So who am I?
I’m a spiritual being having a human experience. One who calls herself a mother, a daughter, a sister and niece, a grand mother and wife. An author, a counselor, a recovering alcoholic and addict.
I am the creation of something far greater than the flesh of my parents.
I am the spirit of love, clothed in human flesh, making earthly mistakes, guided by divine intervention.
I am a the child of God, living on borrowed time, in a time of grace, sculpting a story titled Lorelie.
But mostly, who I really am, is one incredibly lucky lady, who has been blessed to live two lives, in one body.
Who are you?